It goes without saying that making amends can be difficult. First, you have to not only acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past, but also own up to them. You’re forced to look at your mistakes and acknowledge and confront the pain you may have caused others. However, making amends isn’t always as simple as just apologizing. In fact, many of the ways people make amends don’t work in every scenario. Sometimes, trying to directly make amends can do more harm than good. If you believe this to be the case, making indirect amends might be the best way to bring about a meaningful change.

Prepare

When most people think of making amends, they might think of being honest, apologizing, and maybe repaying someone whom they hurt. However, this isn’t always the best way to approach a situation. This is why preparation is key. No two people or situations are alike, which means that you should approach every attempt at making amends as a unique and special scenario. Each requires a different approach and has a different desired outcome. Take what you know about the person, what you’d like to make amends for, and how they might react into consideration.

Indirectly Rewarding

Once you have a good idea of what the situation is, you’re often able to tell if a direct or indirect approach is best. If you think the person may not forgive you or want to hear what you have to say, an indirect approach might be best. An indirect approach doesn’t mean you’re not making things right, it just means you have an appreciation for the situation and the person as a whole. There are plenty of ways you can make amends indirectly, and each is equally as rewarding as a direct approach.

Many donate their time, money, or energy to charities or community outreach. If you’ve taken something from someone who you can’t directly make amends with, you could donate money to a charity or cause they care about. If you’ve hurt someone close to you in a personal way, you can vow to never hurt someone in that same manner again. Part of making amends is coming to peace with yourself and your actions, and making them right. Sometimes, this can’t be done directly, and you’ll need to take a different approach. This isn’t a bad thing; sometimes an indirect approach can not only benefit your recovery and your community, but you can also learn a lot about yourself in the process.