Those in recovery from addiction have gone through a great deal to get their lives back on track and turn things around. They have taken steps to create a better version of themselves and live a healthier lifestyle. Just like anyone else, they deserve to be a loving relationship and find happiness. Many have spent a lot of time in therapy working through challenges and learning how to build stronger, healthier relationships. They know what they need to do to stay on the path to recovery, but what about the person they are dating?
If you are dating someone in recovery, there are several things to keep in mind. The relationship may be different from others that you have experienced, but they can be very rewarding. They can also be challenging. It is important to find a balance and know what works and does not work for you and your significant other.
- They have made changes – you might have to as well.
The person you are dating has probably made some significant changes in their life since entering recovery. They have had to develop new routines, friendships, and thought patterns. You will probably have to make some changes in your life too. For example, if they were battling alcoholism, know that going out for a drink isn’t a good idea. This is something to consider when making plans so that they are not put into an awkward or difficult situation. It is also helpful not to have these substances in your home where they could be a temptation.
- They are more than their addiction and past.
What happened in their past should not define their future. Just because they acted in a certain way or were involved with certain things before does not mean that they still are. They have taken steps to turn their life around and do things differently. Try to be accepting and not hold their past against them or be judgmental. That was only one part of them. There is so much more that they have to offer. Get to know their interests, hobbies, dreams, and goals. Explore what you have in common and what makes them who they are.
- Be supportive and mindful of their needs.
If they are going through a tough time or facing temptation, know how you can be supportive and help them through it. Encourage them to continue going to support groups and following through with their relapse prevention plan. Be aware of sights, sounds, smells, and places that may be triggers. It can be beneficial to talk about these issues and be proactive with ways to avoid them or mitigate risk. Recognize that you can’t solve their problems for them, but you can be supportive when they need help and take steps not to make things worse.
- Avoid enabling.
There is always risk of relapse when it comes to addiction. Don’t get swayed into carrying out enabling actions. Let your significant other be independent and do things for themselves just as you should be independent as well. Be alert for signs that may indicate a slip or relapse so that you can be proactive. Also recognize signs of enabling so that you can avoid them. If your significant other does relapse, encourage them to seek help. It is possible for them to get back on track with their recovery. And having a slip is not the same as relapsing, so if they do slip, work with them to implement strategies from their recovery plan to prevent relapsing. You may need to reach out for additional support.
- Be patient.
A good rule of thumb is that clients should refrain from dating during at least their first year of recovery. Be respectful of this. You want to make sure that they are stable in their recovery and not putting themselves at risk by jumping into a relationship. Be patient and understanding. The same goes for once you are dating. It can take time for you both to adjust to new routines and to each other’s needs. Maintain open communication and talk to one another about expectations and issues. It is better to resolve them early on than to let them fester and become worse.
Everyone’s relationship is different. Just as there are support groups for those in recovery, there are also groups geared toward family, significant others, friends, and adolescents. Consider attending a support group if you are concerned about making things work and are looking for others who can help guide your way.
If your significant other is struggling with addiction, whether for the first time or they have tried treatment before, Chapters Capistrano is here to help. We will work with your loved one to create a customized treatment plan to fit their needs and develop strategies to overcome their addiction. Recovery is not out of their reach. Find out how Chapters Capistrano can make a difference by calling 949-276-2886 today.
